Innuendos
by Turn Back Now
Summary: Mello and Matt are moving, and bad news, no videogames for Matty-kinz. So he and Mello decide to watch TV. Inspired by a kids commercial Probably not going to turn into a lemon, but I might change my mind...
1. Is that REALLY a KIDS commercial?

Okay, so, I moved into my Grandpa's house, and my laptop doesn't get internet here.

Three words.

_I'm_. _Gonna_. _**Die**_.

Anyway, I was watching TV because there was nothing else to do and my creativity was just Pthpbthpthbthp. Yeah. So, I was watching cartoons with my little brother and sister, and this one rather suggestive commercial came on.

Then I realized I've never written a MelloXMatt for Fanfiction, and for me, that's a major shock. O.o And thus, this demented, deformed, and probably-badly-written baby was born. I wrote you all a yaoi. You better fucking be happy dammit!

And I don't own Death Note. Happy? Good. I'm glad you found joy in crushing my fragile dreams. TT_TT I also don't own anything mentioned in this fanfic, 'cept for the one miniscule mention of Amethystte :D

Enjoy and don't ever, _ever_ forget to review, because Mello and Matt will assume that you hate them, and nobody wants that, now do we? I thought not. And if this sucks, please forgive me, it's really late and I'm not supposed to be on the computer right now. Just read the goddamn story!!! DX

**Matt POV**

Alright, my life is officially ruined.

Mello and I were moving out of our apartment and into a real house, and guess what? One of the moving vans crashed into a telephone pole, and then, when they tried to back up, they rammed the back of the van into _another_ pole. The whole back end of it was crushed, as was everything in it.

And guess who's videogames were in that very van? Yeah. _MINE_. Every single one of them. All of my precious games. Not a single one left to ease my troubled nerves. Not even that old Barbie computer game I used to play with Amethystte's (An old friend from Wammy's) daughter.

Mello doesn't get what the big deal is, but that's because he doesn't understand my need for them. I need them like I need cigarettes and Mello's ass. Mostly Mello's ass. Let's see him go without chocolate for more than half an hour. I'm almost as bad as that, just a _teensy_ bit scarier. Yeah. Me, scarier than Mello? I know you're thinking that could never, ever happen, but really. It's true.

The previously mentioned chocoholic himself sat down on the other end of the couch I was curled up in a fetal position on.

**Mello POV**

Wow, Matt was kinda creeping me out. He was shaking and mumbling random words like, "R1, Mario, Jump, Jump, Duck, Y, Sonic the Hedgehog, X! X! X! L2! Barbie!"

Okay, I'm officially worried for his sanity.

**Matt POV**

"Geez Matt, the last time I saw you this jittery was the day I put crack in your cornflakes." He said, a joking, yet worried tone in his voice.

I froze. "YOU GAVE ME _CRACK_?! YOU SAID IT WAS SUGAR YOU FUCKING LIAR!" I screeched, my voice breaking halfway through my screaming. Okay, so maybe I was being a little bit dramatic, but really! I can't be Matt without the videogames, goggles, and cigarettes! They're like my trademark! Sure, I still have the cigs and goggles, but only two of them without the third is like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich without the bread! It just _doesn't work_!

Mello sighed, and before I really noticed what was happening, he pinned me to the couch and made a pouty face. "Are your videogames more important than _me_?" He whimpered.

My eyes widened. "No, no, no, no, no! Of course not! Videogames are nothing compared to you, they just keep me entertained when we're not doing anything." I said quickly, not wanting to upset the blond.

He smirked. "Then allow me to entertain you for now." I found myself smiling, this was exactly what I needed to calm myself down, to get my mind off of the videogames for now.

Mello's lips found mine immediately, our tongues battling over who would top today. It was a close match, but Mello won. He started kissing along my jaw, then my neck, unzipping my heavy tan vest all the while. As he pressed his mouth to mine again, I slipped out of the vest without breaking the kiss, and the blonde's hand travelled down to my jeans, where he slowly pulled down the zipper. Knowing Mello, the hesitation and unhurriedness would end very soon. His lips never leaving mine, I tangled my gloved fingers into his golden hair and felt the denim material sliding down my legs, along with my Xbox boxers, and then—

_Ding dong!!!_

Mello growled. "Damn it all. Just when it was getting good."

I sighed and pulled my pants back up as he angrily stomped to the front door. "What do you want!?" I heard him shout. Worried that whoever was at the door would get critically injured, I hurried to my lover's side.

Several men stood there, horrified looks on their faces and our relatively large television in their arms. I relaxed a bit, seeing that nobody was harmed. "So wh-where do you want the TV?" One of the men asked nervously.

I smiled and let them in, telling Mello to sit on the couch and not talk until the movers were gone. He grumbled something about him not being a kid and that I'm being a total jackass by making him sit out like a child being punished. Well, this 'jackass' is not _only_ the only one in this city, or even state or country perhaps, who would stay up all night to do unspeakable things with him, but he's also paying the bills and buying a certain bitchy blond he lives with chocolate every six or seven hours.

Once the television was set up, I flopped down next to Mello and turned it on, flipping through the channels. I soon found out that there was only one channel that wasn't just static or completely black.

Nickelodeon.

'_Oh goody, SpongeBob's on!'_ I thought sarcastically, watching a talking sponge dance around the screen. I turned to Mello, and his eye was twitching. I doubted he could stand much more of this. Poor thing. Too bad I'm not changing the channel. It was the only thing on and I needed something to turn my brain to mush and completely tune everything out.

"Matty, honey?"

"Yeah Mells?"

"Turn the goddamn television off before I rip the remote out of your cold dead hands and smash the TV to pieces with it."

I considered my options. One: Do what he says and not get myself, or the TV, hurt, or two: _Not_ do what he says and begin writing my will while Mello shreds everything in the house to microscopic proportions. Like the total fucking dumbass I am, I chose option two.

"..." I didn't say a word, probably signing my death warrant with that silence.

"Matt." He said through gritted teeth.

"…" I ignored him.

"_Matt_."

"…" I gulped, staying silent.

"_MATT_!!!!"

The remote mysteriously flew across the room and out the window, shattering the glass into millions of tiny shards as it went. Mello went quiet. "Geez Matt, if you really didn't want to turn it off you could have just said so. You didn't need to throw the remote into the yard…" He said apprehensively.

The commercials suddenly went on. I sighed as an ad for shampoo popped up. It was the next commercial, one for a little kid golf-set-thing, that made my eyes bulge out of their sockets.

'_**The gator mouth opens really wide! Can you get your gator golf balls inside?!'**_

Oh my god. _Sexual innuendos much!_ Someone should sue that company. That commercial could be a bad influence on small children! Or worse, it could be giving the more-often-than-not horny blond next to me ideas.

I looked over to the side to see Mello smirking at me. "Oh _Maaaaaaaaaaaatty!_" He cooed, crawling towards me on the couch.

The blond slithered on top of me, grinning ear to ear. He trailed his lips across my neck, softly nipping and sucking at my skin. His hands found their way down to my pants again, pulling them down for the third time today (The first was a few hours ago in the back of another moving van, since Mello drove our car into the pacific ocean**(1)**). He kissed me on the mouth again, running his tongue along my bottom lip, begging for entrance. Pshh, he didn't even need to ask once, I granted it to him immediately. I suddenly noticed that the TV was still on.

--

**1**: I just chose a random ocean without really thinking it out logically…

--

Sorry, no sex scene this time, but if you ask nicely, I might add an extra chapter with all the lemony goodness you want! XD So has anybody else seen that commercial? For the people that have, did you notice the innuendos in it? My brother LOL'd so hard when I told him I was going to write this. :)

So, what'd you think? I personally thought that was the best yaoi I've ever written, but that may be because I'm not afraid to write what's really on my mind when I'm about to fall asleep. My yaoi fangirl works 24/7 too, and I could probably write a good sized MelloXMatt or SasuNaru fluff in my sleep! XD Nah, probably not, but wouldn't that be cool? Just leave a laptop on while you sleep and your inner yaoi fan will type you out a whole yaoi/shounen ai fanfic for when you wake up! Wouldn't that be the best thing in the world? I think so. :D

Anyway, review or die. :) **I has a Death Note, so don't piss me off bitch.** Thanks! X3

It's tempting, isn't it? You know you wanna.

V


	2. WARNING! TOTAL CRACK!

**Hey guys! Amethystte here again! This is the second chapter of Innuendos and I realized something ever so important while I was writing it. **

**I can't write a lemon worth shit. Sorry for all those people who were desperately wishing for one. I just didn't want to condemn you all into suffering the torture of reading my **_**awful**_** lemon writing skillz. I had either two choices. Abandon the poor thing and leave it here to rot, or finish it off with a totally random turn that means absolutely nothing that people are most likely going to hate. I'm also sick right now so I'm trapped in my room with nothing to do. Might as well write something. And yes, I added my OC in this one. And just to make a certain friend of mine happy, her OC too. ^^ Yesh xXGoody Not-So-Great MeXx, I isha talkin' to you. **

**I'm prepared to dodge anything people throw at me. Just no glass please. I can risk a concussion, but not a shitload of scars. Anyway, I don't own Death Note. I don't own Sapphira either, in fact, I don't even own Amethystte. She kind of owns me. (I'm crazy. I lost a bet with my imagination.) (By the way, I just decided this is 10 years after my story First Day takes place. This totally turned into a crack-fic too. You'll never guess who I made Amethystte end up with in this one, but don't worry, I have millions of other fics where she ends up with pretty much everyone else. I even had a nightmare she was with Sapphira. Sorry Goody. Like I said, NIGHTMARE.) I hope this wasn't a waste of time for joo. TT-TT *Is prepared to avoid getting hit by heavy objects***

_The next day after the last chapter!!!!!!!!_

**Matt POV**

I guess you could say I have a good life. I got a sexy boyfriend, a nice job hacking computers for Mello, my sexy boyfriend, I had been the third smartest kid at Wammy's a few years ago (Which meant I was pretty damn smart), I got a sexy boyfriend, oh wait, I already said that, and to top everything off nicely, said sexy boyfriend is doing _really_ nice things to me right now, if you know what I mean. (Wink wink, nudge nudge)

_RING RING!!!_

Once again, however, we were interrupted, this time by our beloved telephone which I really should've waited a while to plug in.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Mello shouted, pulling his leather pants up and almost crushing the phone in a death grip. "This better be FUCKING IMPORTANT." He said angrily through gritted teeth, then his jaw dropped open. "What? Now? Are you fucking serious? Matt and I are in the middle of something!" He whined, then paused. "Fine." He growled, handing me the phone.

I shrugged and took it. "Yellow?" I said casually.

"No, Purple, dick-for-brains." I recognized that voice. That could only mean one thing. Oh shit.

"Amethystte?!" I said in shock.

"No shit Sherlock." She laughed. "By the way Matt, can Sapphira and I come over? We wanna see your new place." I could almost see the hopeful puppy eyes she was most likely staring into her cell phone with.

"Uh…" I looked over at Mello, who was mouthing for me to say no and running his thumb across his neck, his eyes crossed and his tongue sticking out. "Sure." I said plainly. Mello slammed his head into a wall.

"Great! We'll be over in ten minutes!"

"Don't you need instructions to get here or somethi—"

"Nope. I had Sapphira put a tracker in your goggles a few years ago. We'll get there just fine! Byebye Matty-kinz, see you soon!" With that, she hung up and I was left with the phone still up against my ear and my eye twitching.

I suddenly dropped the phone and took my goggles off my head, examining them in almost every angle until I found a small square where it looked like a piece had been cut out of it and put back. I looked even closer and saw miniscule writing on it. I bent over the side of the couch and searched through my vest pockets until I felt the handle off a small magnifying glass. I held it up to the square and could distinctly see the words, "Sapphira Waz Here".

How the hell did she—never mind. Sapphira was often known as the 'doer of the impossible' anyway. Best not to dwell on the subject too long, for the sake of my sanity.

I sighed, throwing the magnifying glass to the side and snapping my goggles into place.

"Oi, Mells. Ame-chan's gonna be here in ten minutes. And she's bringing that one crazy girl with her." I informed him, crossing my arms and staring at the ceiling.

Mello gasped. "Matt! We have to get this place cleaned up NOW!"

"Why? It's just those two, not like the president's coming over or something."

"Don't you remember what happened last time they came over when we were living in that old apartment?"

I froze. Oh yeah. Those insane, psychopathic girls were in utter shock at us living in such a 'filthy disgusting place' and cleaned the whole thing in one day. I couldn't find half my videogames for a week until I realized they were all in the drawer on the TV stand. It was also that day we realized that the floor was actually pink. That was kind of the reason we got it cheap and also the reason never cleaned that old place.

"Holy shit you're right." I scrambled to get off my ass and pick up some of the pizza boxes that were scattered on the floor. Yes, I know we moved in yesterday, but seriously, Mello and I have no friggen clue how to keep a room clean for more than an hour.

**!!!!!Ten minutes later after an amusing montage on Mello and Matt franticly attempting to clean their filthy house!!!!!**

_Ding dong!_

"I'LL GET IT!" Mello screamed, the rush of trying to fix up the house in time getting him jumpy.

As he answered the door, I inspected the living room. There were still a few videogames on the floor and an empty bag of chips on the couch, but hey, at least you could see the floor. _Close enough.' _I decided, turning around.

I immediately was tackled to the ground by two young women, both squealing and giggling happily. One had straight blue hair and matching eyes (Sapphira, now 23), and the other had long auburn hair pulled up into a ponytail who's eyes also somewhat matched her hair (Amethystte, now 22). The bluenette **(AN: I love that word for some reason. X3)** was tightly holding a bright red lollipop in her left hand. I guess her obsession still hadn't gone away, after all this time, but then again, does anyone who used to go to Wammy's ever outgrow their addictions, even after ten years? Thought not. They were still as hyper, and as strong, as ever.

But what I didn't expect was for two other figures to walk into the room while I was trying to scream for Mello to help me.

One of them hadn't changed a bit in the time since I'd seen him. He still had the same L-esque hair and crimson eyes as he normally did. Beyond Birthday, who was now 25. I mentally sighed. I should've known, almost any place Sapphira goes, he goes too.

The other one had changed a little bit since I last saw her, mainly height-wise. Her chocolate colored eyes were the exact same as her mother's though. Yep. That was Kandie, Amethystte's three year old daughter, who also had her attitude. That damn brat... She got her short black hair and name from her dad, however. I remember the day I found out who was the father was like it was just a few minutes ago, in fact. Actually, I think I'm _still_ in shock. Oh shit, I'm having a flashback.

_ **Flashback**! _

"_What?!" I shouted over the phone, three and a half years ago. Amethystte and I were both 19 at the time._

"_I'm having a baby!" Amethystte had repeated herself with glee._

"_With _WHO?!_" I questioned loudly, coming to the conclusion that it was the apocalypse._

_A new voice had entered the conversation suddenly, as if someone had taken the phone out of her hands._

"_Me." A monotonous, yet slightly amused voice said._

"_L!?!?!?!?!?!" I had screamed._** (AN: See? Crack-fic! Please don't kill me. Fever-induced hysteria.)**_ "WHEN THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?!?!?!"_

_Amethystte apparently had taken back the phone. "A few months ago. And you promised not to panic when I told you! I didn't freak out when you said you and Mello were gay for each other!" For a second it sounded like she was going to start sobbing._

"_Shh, shh, Ame-chan, it's okay, it's okay." I'd heard L whisper to her._

"_But wait," I started up again. "Exactly _how_ did this happen? And why?"_

_Amethystte's attitude turned from crying to rather rude in a matter of seconds. "Do you really need us to give you a sex-talk? Haven't we already covered how babies are made? Or did you forget about it with Mello's dick up your ass at all times?" She had snapped._

_I had been at a loss for words then._

_ **Flashback Over**! _

I mentally sighed once again. Good times, good times. Anyway, back to the two clinging onto me and giggling about how long it's been since they saw me and how much they missed me and how nice my house looks.

"HEY! That's mine! Geddoffa him!" Mello shouted, lifting the two up by the back of their shirts. Big mistake, as soon as they let go of me, they attacked him, bombarding him with hugs and knocking him to the ground. "GNAH!! Demon women! Demon women!" He cried, arms flailing.

Kandie giggled cutely. "Funny Uncowe Mewow an' Ma'." She said. (Translation: "Funny Uncle Mello and Matt")

The girl's attention immediately turned to the three year old and the instantly started fawning over her. _'Little attention whore…'_ I mentally growled.

Mello and I blinked. I knew we were both thinking the same question. What the hell is up with women and babies? That, and when the hell were they going to leave? We still hadn't finished what had been rudely interrupted about fifteen minutes ago.

Less than five minutes later, we were all in the kitchen, Sapphira happily babbling on about something I wasn't listening to, Beyond sitting next to her, arm around the blue haired girl in a loving way, Amethystte making silly faces as Kandie, who was giggling on the table, and Mello attempting to make us all some food. Keyword, 'Attempting'.

I sighed at the blonde's furious efforts at producing something edible and went over to suggest something helpful. "Why don't we just order some pizza?" I asked, wrapping my arms around his waist. He froze, the hit himself in the forehead.

"Why the hell didn't I think of that?!" He muttered to himself. I chuckled and kissed him on the cheek.

"EEEEWWW!" Kandie yelled at us.

Amethystte and Sapphira laughed at her response to the wonderful gayness of me and mah sexy boyfriend.

As soon as Mello had walked into the living room, picked up the phone, dialed the number for Pizza hut **(AN: I dun own. Dun sue me pleesh.)**, and asked what toppings everyone wanted, a chorus of answers rang through the arched doorway to the living room such as, "Cherry lollipops!" and "Chocolate!" and "Strawberry jam!" and "Cahdeey!" (Translation: Candy!). I'll give you one guess of who each answer was called out by. There wasn't an answer for a few seconds.

"I'll take that as cheese." He said after a moment.

I chuckled.

**!!!!!Almost half an hour later!!!!!**

We were all eating pizza in the living room, Beyond sitting in the loveseat by the couch, with Sapphira on the top of It behind him, her feet on the armrests. Amethystte was upside-down on the couch on my left, and Mello was playing with Kandie on my right, making faces at her and speaking in baby-talk, making her giggle uncontrollably. Not much was really going on, save Amethystte and Sapphira asking us random questions about the house, and Beyond being a total spaz and saying a shitload of Shakespeare lines to his pizza. Yeah. I don't know either.

_DING DONG!!!!_ Oh joys, the doorbell. I love that thing so much. You know, I love it so very much I might even have to rip the whole damn thing out of wherever it is and crush it into millions of pieces. Yup. I love it _that_ much.

Anyway, Amethystte fell off the couch along with the words "I'm okay", either purposely or accidentally, and causally stood up to answer the door. Yep. I'm letting a total guest get the door in _my_ house. I'm such a nice, polite host, aren't I?

I suddenly heard Amethystte gasp in happiness. Everyone looked in the general direction of the front door.

"Mommy a'kah?" (Translation: Mommy okay?) Kandie wondered, crawling off of Mello to investigate.

I glanced over at the blond next to me and raised an eyebrow. He shrugged in response.

"Daddy!" The three year old cried excitedly

Everyone's eyes went wide. "L?" We chorused, hopping up to see if it was really the Bratty-Attention-Whore's father.

**So… does anyone hate me yet? Anyone for some strange deluded reason love me even more? What do you guys think of Kandie? Miniature Demon in Disguise? Chibi Angel sent from Heaven?**

**Oh, and to my buddy Goody, please don't be mad at me. I made Sapphira end up with Beyond! Isn't that good enough for you?!**

**Oh, and to all those L obsessed people, don't worry. Amethystte isn't **_**really**_** with L, in fact, they're not even anything more than close friends. (Mello and Matt threw a party to celebrate their 3 year anniversary and they just got a **_**little**_** drunk, as far as the story goes. DON'T KILL ME! I has no control over my imagination! It's gone loose! Run for your lives people!)**

ANYWAYYYY! Please review or I will be sad. Even if you hate me now please review? Please? Good or bad, I won't mind. Just review.


	3. AUTHORS NOTE sorry

Sorry if I got any of you excited thinking I actually updated for once. ^-^"

HAHA! You guys thought I abandoned this baby, didn't you! Well, so did I. The plot bunny that bit me for it kinda died in a corner after being neglected for too long. ^-^" But fear not, I have found an heir to said plot bunny, and thus this fanfic shall continue! If I get any reviews begging me to, that is. I'm still in the process of trying to write it. :D  
Eh heh heh... yeah... eventually... I just need some motivation. Just please don't give me any death threats.

Anyway, sorry for the author's note, I'll have the next chapter up _eventually_. :3


	4. Can't think of a chapter name

**And here it is, the **_**real**_** chapter 3. Yeah. I actually tried, like I promised. Be happy you little shits. ^-^**

**On a totally random note, does anybody think that Miley Cyrus's music video to 'Can't Be Tamed' was a little over-the-top to be starring someone who little girls look up to as a role model? I mean, the girl is turning into a Lady Gaga wannabe! But personally, if she didn't have so many teeny tiny chibi fans like my 6 year old stepsister, it wouldn't actually been **_**that**_** bad. But seriously, that was **_**Hannah fucking Montana.**_** She shouldn't be doing that kind of stuff when she had a ton of little kids looking up to her and crap like that.**

**And now, ignoring my Miley Cyrus rant, we continue on from where we left off a million years ago, with L suddenly popping into the scene and all that good stuff. Enjoy?**

* * *

_~~~Previously~~~_

"_Daddy!" The three year old cried excitedly_

_Everyone's eyes went wide. "L?" We chorused, hopping up to see if it was really the Bratty-Attention-Whore's father._

_~~~Currently~~~_

Sure enough, after all of us finished stumbling over each other, we saw L standing (read: slouching) in front of the door.

"Hello everyone. Mello, Matt, I see you have a new house. Congratulations." He said monotonously, his daughter scooped up in his arms and a lollipop in his mouth.

I grinned. "Thanks! You look as panda-like as ever." I chuckled.

He rolled his eyes.

Sapphira squealed. "L! We haven't seen you in _fureverz_!" She cried, arms flailing and a slight blush on her face. But that could've been due to the half empty bottle of wine in her hands. Wait a minute, where'd she get that? Beyond took it out of her grasp and set it down somewhere else, holding her close so that she didn't decide to leave and drunkenly cause mass destruction.

L nodded. "It _has_ been quite some time since I've seen all of you. Especially you Beyond." He fixed his wide obsidian eyes on the lookalike. "I seem to remember that the last time we spoke it was after you broke into my home, stole every jar of jam in the entire premises, jumped out of the window screaming 'See ya mother fucker!', and ran off." He said blankly, not taking his analytical eyes off of him.

Beyond blushed. "I did no such thing! It couldn't possibly have been me!" He said defensively, holding Sapphira a bit tighter.

"Of course. Just like it wasn't you that chained a highly traumatized twelve year old Near to my bed when I visited Wammy's back when you were fifteen." (I think I remember that; Near wouldn't come out of his room for weeks—not like that made a difference—and cried like a baby whenever somebody mentioned Beyond Birthday. I don't blame him, anyone would shit their pants if they saw Beyond's death glare.)

"That was a birthday present! I thought you were into that kind of stuff!" He countered.

Amethystte looked curiously at the insomniac. "Yeah L, we thought you were into that kind of stuff." She repeated him.

L sighed. "If I was, would _this_ be here?" He bounced Kandie on his hip.

The girl chuckled and playfully poked her daughter in the stomach. "Eh, you never know."

The three year old giggled. "Uncowe Neaw doesn't like Uncowe BB, Daddy." (Translation: Uncle Near doesn't like Uncle BB, Daddy.) She said, referring to the time Amethystte took her over to visit Near and Sapphira and Beyond had shown up, the latter scaring the albino half to death. I would know, Sapphira videotaped it and sent it to Mello and I as a Christmas gift. Mello loved it, of course, especially the part where Near practically pissed himself.

L smiled softly. "I know sweetie."

"L, why don't you come in." I offered, realizing that we were all still standing at the doorway.

Everyone nodded and we all made our way to the living room, where Beyond suddenly started talking about a random time at Wammy's involving all of us. Except for Kandie, of course. The little bitch wasn't born yet, fortunately. Because that would've been weird, seeing as Amethystte had been thirteen at the time of the moment that the L-lookalike had been reminiscing. That would've been fucking creepy if L had knocked her up at that time. Not to mention illegal.

Hours later, in the middle of remembering the time Amethystte had arrived at Wammy's and Mello, Matt, and Near had all fallen in love with her for some unknown reason, Amethystte's cell phone rang.

"Hello?" She said. Her eyes widened. "Oh shit, we're late, aren't we?" Her voice became panicked. "Alright, alright, we'll be right over!" She snapped the phone shut and put it in her pocket, standing up. "Sorry guys, Sapphira and I gotta get going." She said, picking Kandie up off the floor and pushing L's legs down so that he was sitting normally for once so that she could put her daughter on his lap. "You're gonna need to babysit Kandie for the next couple days."

The alarmed look on L's face was priceless.

"Wait, where are you going?" Mello asked as Amethystte grabbed Sapphira.

"Oh… um… well, kind of another dimension…" She tried to explain. "We're supposed to be in another world right now, irritating the hell out of two guys that kinda look like girls." She shook her head, pulling the bluenette behind her and pulling out her car keys. "Bye guys!"

We all stared in disbelief. But knowing Amethystte and Sapphira, it almost wasn't hard to imagine that they lived in more than one dimension. Impossible, I know, but still… it's _them_. The do-ers of the impossible. Those chicks live to defy the laws of physics and sanity.

Beyond's blinked as the girls walked out the door to Amethystte's purple convertible. "Wait a minute! What about me?" He shouted, running to the door just as they sped away. "Aw shit… there goes my only way home…" He muttered.

"Well, you're sure as hell not staying here." Mello said. I nudged him in the rubs.

"And you're sure as hell not getting a rude home from me." L said monotonously as Kandie giggled and tugged lightly on his spiky black hair.

Beyond growled to himself. "Fine, I'll walk. It's only like, a million miles." He shrugged, eye twitching.

"Alright, bye." Mello waved at him cheerfully.

"Bitch." He spat out at him.

I threw a piece of half eaten pizza at him. "Hey, nobody's allowed to call my wife 'bitch' but me." Everyone looked at me incredulously, except for Kandie, who wasn't paying attention at all.

"Excuse me Matty, who's the dominant one in our relationship?" Mello asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Me, bitch." I said smugly. There was no way he'd try to prove me wrong in front of company, ri—

He suddenly flung himself on me, pinning me painfully to the couch, hands around my throat, and glaring at me harshly. "I'm sorry, _honey_, what was that?" He hissed.

Kandie gasped. "Uh oh!" She cried dramatically at the sight of my boyfriend nearly strangling me.

"I said that you top my ass every night and that you're the sexiest human on this planet, and I'm buying you the best chocolate money can buy for the next month." I whimpered.

"That's what I thought you said." He smirked, releasing his grip on my neck and sitting back down in his original place.

"You two have issues." Beyond said flatly, slamming the door on the way out of the house.

L sighed. "I suppose Kandie and I have to get going as well." He said, picking his daughter up and carrying her out the limo that had suddenly appeared in front of our house. I watched through the window as the limo stopped next to Beyond as he walked down the sidewalk. The window rolled down and I could see him and L talking, and then one of the doors opened and Beyond huffed angrily before getting in. The limo sped off after that.

"_Finally_, some time to ourselves!" Mello cried, flopping onto me as if he hadn't tried to strange me less than three minutes earlier.

"Can we continue where we left off before our visitors arrived?" I smiled suggestively.

He grinned and crawled on top of me. "Oh yes, please." He purred, kissing me softly, threading his fingers into my hair.

'_Ding Dong'_

"WHAT THE FUCK IS IT NOW!" Mello screamed, and I face-palmed as he stomped off to answer the door, not even bothering to check if the person at the door would be okay. They deserved it at this point.

"E-Excuse me sir, would you like to buy some—"

"HELL NO I WOULD NOT LIKE TO BUY SOME OF YOUR FUCKING GIRL SCOUT COOKIES! NOW GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY GOD DAMNED HOUSE BEFORE I SHOOT ALL OF YOU!" He yelled furiously.

I heard little girls screaming and running away.

The door slammed shut again and Mello returned to straddling me on the couch. "Why the hell is it that whenever we're getting somewhere, we're interrupted?" He demanded, close to tears.

"Maybe the house is cursed." I suggested.

"Oh fuck you." He muttered.

"Yes please." I grinned, raising my eyebrows. He couldn't help but smile then and lean back down to kiss me.

* * *

**DONE. *authoress is in tears* Be happy goddammit. I worked my ass off all night to finish this. TT~TT Please review? Thanks, I'mma gonna go to sleep now. I stayed up all night working on this. Gawd, you people are horrible. And please, no death threats. I've gotten enough of those. Thanks.**

**And as for who Dear Ame-chan was called by and had to rush right over with Sapphira for, it was probably either me or xXGoody Not-So-Great MeXx, and they probably were late for another episode of the Crack Chronicles, a series that Goody and I made for the Naruto world, where Sapphira and Ame-chan live with Deidara and Hidan. :)**

**Review?**


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